Palmolive (Purple)

Hello World,

When I moved to the UK last September, I brought my father’s favourite shower gel with me. It’s the Palmolive Aroma Absolute Relax (with Ylang Ylang Essential Oils and Iris Extract). I love Palmolive shower gels and my favourite would be Morning Tonic from the same range, it’s lime green in colour. Anyway, I used it the first few days and then I realised I did not want to finish things that I got from home, even though they were meant to be used in the initial weeks to settle down. I thought how else would I feel the longing of my home if I finished this shower gel? I could easily buy another one from here, but I’m very sentimental. I find letting go of certain things very difficult, as was the case with this shower gel.

I planned to visit India later this year and so I came up with a very calculative and genius plan of making the shower gel last a year. How? I decided to use it only on celebratory days. I used it for my first shower here as a sign of victory that I made it abroad, I used it the day I submitted my portfolio for the first semester – I felt I did a good job, I used it on the day I received an offer for a part time job, and on the day I received my results. I also used it today.

Today wasn’t a turning point, a huge success, I didn’t hit a milestone. In fact, it was a normal day. I’ve been struggling to have normal days the past few days. I felt extremely lethargic, unrested even after many hours of sleep and lazy. I woke up feeling the same and thinking I’ll end up wasting another day. But there was this one difficult workout I was hoping to complete. Without much contemplation, I started it. Surprisingly, I finished it too! My legs were killing me, but I decided I must also clean the house. And I did.

I know that these are daily chores but I fell out of discipline. Discipline is the hardest thing to achieve, especially when we slack off or fall behind. I decided to celebrate this because small victories count too.

My goal for this year was to be disciplined. I try and fail but I never give up, and I’m really proud of myself for that. I decided to share this with you just in case if you ever catch yourself in a difficult place, assess the situation and take small steps towards betterment. Every step counts.

Good night!

Quarantine Updates

Hello World,

I’ll tell you what my latest problem with writing is. Lately I’ve been exposed to a lot of Hindi and Urdu. I’ve never been so appreciative of the two languages before. Writing came a little easier when I used to think in English. Now I think in Hinglish. I tried to write in Hindi but I’m not confident enough. I tried to write in English but I started with namaste instead of hello world. So today I’ll just try to balance the two.

Aaj maine Love Aaj Kal 2 dekhi hai. Mujhe laga movie ka message deliver karne ke liye hadd se zyada or blown out of proportion storytelling use kiya gaya hai. I also feel story likhhe se pehele shayad conclusion pe aagaye, toh beech mein fillers daalne pade. Like you know, insight milne se pehele advert bana lena, aur phir usme insight zabardasti daalna? Something of that sort. Woh ad memorable nahi reheti, connect nahi karega aapse. Magar movie ki intention sahi thi so theek hai I’ll chill. Lockdown mein 2hrs 17mins ki engagement mili, thodi cringy he sahi.

Cyclone Amphan ke baad ghar mein WiFi connection mein thoda locha hogaya, abhi tak theek nahi hui. So I haven’t watched many films. You might know I had finished reading the entire Naruto series, till Shippūden in a span of 3 days (sorry eyes), which I kinda regret. Bohot jaldi khatam karke closure nahi milti. So my coping mechanism was reading fanfictions. I used to be embarrassed and never admitted to reading them. I’ve gone back to fanfictions. Guilty pleasure bolte hai but like, I’m not guilty. Mujhe alternate universe kaafi pasand hai. Kahin toh happy ending honi chahiye, hai na? 2020 ko dekh ke lagta nahi ki hume kuch happy milne wala hai, bas ending ki umeed kar sakte hai.

Iss Hinglish ki chakkar mein I might end up finding a new voice. That’d be cool too. Updates! I’m continuing my workout. I love staying at home and not doing anything. I still believe whatever happens, happens for good. I believe in the universe. I’m a little more spiritual than what I was yesteryear. I’m discovering spirituality, or maybe I’ll end up discovering the lack of it. My parents are good. I’m still short and my thighs need some toning. Breathe. Drink water. Sometimes I miss holding someone or getting held, to sleep. I miss tangled human legs and emotions. Sometimes I think I’m better off without them. Sometimes I think a lot, sometimes I think absolutely nothing at all. For my selfish reasons, I needed the lockdown.

Well that’s all from my end. If you need a friend to talk to, I’m all ears.
I’ll see you a next time.
Good night!

Wanted to thank BTS before 2020.

Hello World,

We’ve got less than an hour for the new decade and for me to type this, so here we go. Firstly and mainly, I’m going to talk about BTS.

When I was an undergrad in 2016, my friend Shubhangi showed me the video to Blood, Sweat & Tears. That was the first time I came across BTS. I wasn’t really paying attention and we paused it midway. Didn’t think much of it. Forward to 2017, December. I came across BTS again when Mic Drop played. I watched the video. I watched more videos. I listened to all their songs. I started watching Run and Bon Voyage and what not. I loved the BTS on Crack videos. Just want to put it across that I absolutely love their craft. I always respect the people who work hard behind the scenes – designing sets, costumes, musicians, directors, staff, make up artists, stylists, bodyguards, back up dancers, etc.

Now here comes the important part. I wanted to know more about them. So I read up about them. I read about the entire K-Pop industry and how every aspiring idol works. BTS undoubtedly is one of the most hardworking and humble groups I have come across. A few of the many things I learned from them are:

• Follow and stand up for your dreams unapologetically. The blessings will come along.
• If life brings you to a path you’ve not been prepared for, fret not. Make the most out of it. Who knows, it might turn into something you love and also your dream career.

• Nobody is perfect but always strive for perfection, regardless.

• Standing out in a crowd is good. Standing out in a crowd is cool. Be true to yourself.

• Smile.

• Be kind and respectful to everyone. Everyone includes everyone.

The time between their trainee period and year of debut is four years. I passed out of college in May, 2018 as an engineer. I had given myself four years to at least get to where I want to be in the future. So in 2019, I applied for a college which is (not gonna lie) a tough one to get into and is one of the finest in the country. I got through and started studying Communication mainly focused in Advertising. I’ve taken one step closer to where I want to be. I realise that so many people want to study in this college and want to be where we are and it makes me more grateful. I wish they get through too. My heart goes out to my mother and father for always being there. My family has always been supportive and I hope I don’t let them down.

Coming back to BTS. I won’t preach and tell you that they are amazing and have been an integral part of my life, but that’s exactly what I’m going to tell you. I will always look up to BTS and will be eternally grateful to them for keeping me grounded. This is going to sound weird but I hope I don’t meet them. I like seeing them shine for afar and trying my best back here. That being said, I would also love to draw for them or work with them sometime. Maybe write a letter to Namjoon? It would be a dream to have Namjoon as a pen pal. For now, I just plan to work hard and get my craft right.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, 2019 has been bone-breaking, heart shattering, adrenaline pumping, a rollercoaster of all highs and lows, a voyage of knowledge and experience, an empty canvas, a palette full of colours in different amounts and many things more. As we move on to the new decade, let us pray for world peace and spread love. Let’s be kind and share knowledge. Let music take over and connect us as one. Let’s remember to keep the Earth green and the skies blue. Please encourage your friend or a person you know who is a struggling artist. Please appreciate someone’s work if you like it. You might think it doesn’t make a difference but trust me it would mean the world to them.

Alright. Good night.
See you soon.
And um, hello 2020. We’re ready.

사랑해,
– ankita.

A Strange Feeling

Snake,

It’s the start of October (almost fall), it’s one in the night as I write to you, listening to I Don’t Dance (The O’ Neill Brothers Group, instrumental). I haven’t written to you in so long, it’s a little awkward to begin with. It feels as if I’m writing to a long lost friend, a new beginning almost.
During the times I had no one to talk to, your presence amplified in your absence. Almost like you’re watching me from another corner of the world, from another dimension, from up above. This is one of those times. It has been a stormy day (literally), the winds are rough, the clouds above seem unfriendly. It feels like this is a foreshadowing of what October is going to be like or maybe I have appreciated Ray films too much.
We never spoke of Country Music. You never seemed like the type to like it, but in my heart I get the feeling that you’d appreciate it. I have an entire Country Music playlist playing as I’m writing.
I was okay with being lonely, infact I called it solitude. To me, a good lonely was equivalent to solitude. I’m not lonely here, I have friends. I just got back from a friend’s room. But I feel like I’m drifting away voluntarily from people who are close to me. I’m okay with anything, even being alone. However it’s a strange feeling, to feel this way again, to write to you again.
For the first time, I don’t want to drift away. I promised I wouldn’t write to you again. But writing to you is much easier than talking about strange feelings to someone. We’ve heard a lot of “don’t get comfortable” and “don’t choose the easy way”, how about I want to get comfortable and I choose the easy way? I’ve tried and tested the other ways, this feels more peaceful, almost like someone is sitting in front of me with their face resting on their hand, mildly nodding with a gentle smile, like the next moment he’d say, “Here’s looking at you, kid.” If this is the easy way out, it’s definitely the best ones that’s still valid after 12 years.
Funnily, I never realise I have so much to say till I write to you. It’s probably because you listen, we need more people who listen. You won’t believe, I write the best when I’m writing a letter. You’d probably have a smirk on your face and credit yourself for it, I wouldn’t even try denying. I mostly play the role of a listener. Whether I’m a good one or a bad one is upto people to decide.
To me, writing poems in Hindi is almost like sculpting with clay. You write an entire chunk, then take out what’s not needed, keep what’s essential and add the details.
I didn’t realise that I’ve written quiet a lot. I don’t want to stop either. Are you bored? I guess you’d be smiling even if you were. Life is simple but gets stranger by the minute. More answers lead to more questions. Did questions come before answers or vice versa? I mean an oberservation is not an oberservation until you take notice of your observation. Observations can often turn into a fact, which often turn into answers, then you question it either as an observation or a fact.
I should sleep now, I have an early and a long day tomorrow. When the world sleeps, I should write to you more often. I don’t know if a friend exists in absence but I guess you do.

More country blues to us.

किसके लिए?

उससे पहली मुलाकात अभी भी याद है,
जैसे बहुत साल पहले नहीं,
कल मिले हो।
उससे आखरी मुलाकात थोड़ा कम याद है,
जैसे कल नही,
बहुत साल पहले हुई हो।
दीन में कितनो से मिल लूं,
कितनी भी काम कर लूं,
पूरी दुनिया के बारे मै पढ़ लू,
सिर्फ उसकी याद आती है।
सिर्फ ख़यालो में आते हो,
सिर्फ ख़यालो में रहेते हो,
सिर्फ ख़यालो में मिलते हो।
कभी आके मिल तो लो,
और सारे ख्वाब को सच कर दो।