Seasons and Greetings

Hello World,

How have you been?

Wow it’s December again. We’re about to begin another new year soon. About a few years back I felt the passing of each month. So by the time we reached December, I would be prepared for the year to end and another to begin. The past 2-3 years though, went like a blur. One day it’s January, another day it’s somewhere in the middle like June, and then it’s December!

December used to be my favourite month in Shillong, when I was a child. Shillong had a certain charm that no other city has. It is a hilly place, so you could look down on some buildings and others would be way higher. In December, you could spot star shaped lamps hung outside every window. I used to find it magical. I thought if Shillong could be this pretty, bigger cities would be even crazier with their decorations.

I was wrong though. Big cities are glamourous but lack warmth. I realised it was December that I liked, it was Shillong in December that was magical. It won’t come back again now though. Oh well, I shouldn’t say ‘never’ because you never know!

Is it cold where you are? It is super windy and rainy here in Newcastle. Newcastle feels like the abroad version of Shillong. If I get a chance, I’d like to settle here.

I traveled to India in November. Oh how I missed home! I missed home so much that every time I closed my eyes I could see Kolkata, the streets, my neighbourhood, the shops, my family. On certain days, I would even get a whiff of the streets, of incense filled roads in evening, of the pollution too. It hurt so much when I had to leave. I hid my teary eyes by drawing my cap down. I want to live with my parents again.

Anyway, it’s always so nice to write. Today I will bake fish and potatoes. I’m very scared of microwaves and ovens. Don’t aske me why, I cannot explain it. Wish me luck. If I succeed, I will post photos the next time. Actually, you know what? I might make a food post next time! I will post photos of my cooking. I started cooking properly last year, at 26, I have come a long way now.

Please keep warm. When I’m down, lo-fi music and fairy lights cheer me up. When the world get cold, and colder, remember to keep yourself warm. Keeping yourself warm and being there for yourself, helps you go a long way in the never-ending journey of self-love.

Let’s catch up soon again. Happy Holidays!

Ankita

P.S. Here are some photos of my tiny tree and ornaments. 😀

Few Updates

Hello World,

Hope you’re well?

I have been extremely busy the last two months, trying to juggle a few things in my life. First was the final project for my Master’s. Second was searching for a new flat. And third, was my ongoing part time job. Another major aspect by living by myself which meant groceries, cooking, cleaning, managing finances, etc.

I know the chores and errands of living alone are vital, but sometimes when you have to balance so much at the same time, these chores become insufferable. It felt as if no matter how healthy I ate, my skin wasn’t free of pimples. No matter, how much effort I put into cooking, food does not last. And my grocery for the week just seemed to end within a couple of days! On top of that, everything feels expensive when you work on minimum wage, try to save up for rent and visa. Although I went with the flow, I do think it took a toll on my body. My periods were very late and the pain was acute.

I have arranged an appointment with my GP to talk to them about my health, acne and periods this week. Hopefully it all works out.

Anyhow, I did manage to finalise a small studio apartment. It is a little smaller than my current flat. However, the rent is also lesser, and I will manage fine. I was a little worried about my fitness because I tend to do yoga and jump ropes, and the room seemed very small in the photos. I guess I’ll only know once I shift there. I started running, so I’ll try to stay fit at all times anyway. I realised the importance of health, healthy skin and staying grateful for my body, which works a lot to keep me agile.

I submitted my final project and essay earlier this week. with this, I officially complete my Master’s degree. I have a final presentation the upcoming Thursday. After which, I’m fully done.

The next step is to take on more shifts at my part-time job, make my portfolio, shift houses, and apply for full time jobs. I also am going back home for Diwali, for three weeks. I’m super excited to travel again.

Next year, once I get a full-time job, I want to learn driving and buy a car. It is crucial. More than being able to travel, I want to drive my parents and partner around. The UK seems like a great place to drive as well.

That is all the updates I have for today. I want to get back to illustrating. Let’s see how that goes. I will write to you soon again.

Good night!

– Ankita

The Best Customer

Hello World,

It’s 20 degrees here in the UK and its sweltering. I never thought I’d say this because I come from India, and have literally been living in an oven. I hope you’re having a good summer.

I wanted to write about an incident that happened yesterday. I had a five hour evening shift. After I clocked in, I looked around at the customers who were shopping on the computer screens, and if anyone needed any assistance. Then I went to the back of the store to pick items and hand over to the customers.

Two hours into the shift, I noticed a middle aged man standing behind the computer screen still shopping. I saw him at the exact spot when I started my shift. A few of my colleagues were giggling and making light-hearted jokes that we’d had to chase him away if he stays that way even during the last few minutes before the store closes.

Another half an hour later, our eyes met and he promptly pointed at his wrist a few times, indicating “what time is it?”. I said 3:35, but I was probably too far and he couldn’t hear me. I mouthed ‘3’ and lifted 3 fingers, followed by the rest of the digits. He gave me a quick thumb’s up and continued to look at the screen.

An hour later, he came to the front desk with his notebook. I learned that he couldn’t talk. He listed about eight items that he wanted to buy, along with the catalogue numbers. I asked my manager if I could serve him at the tills. She agreed and off we went to the tills.

It took me about twenty minutes to discuss all the items with him and continue with the transaction, which was successful. We had forty five minutes left until we closed the store, when we handed him all his items. He purchased a Samsung Galaxy phone along with a SIM card too. He asked me if I could set it up for him. I asked my managers if I could. We sell various items, sometimes we do not help with putting it together or setting it up, simply because if we’re not trained for it. My managers told me to help put the SIM in and that’s all. Setting it up would take a lot of time.

I understood their concern but I also knew that this gentleman would not have been able to set everything up by himself because he simple didn’t know how to. I had half an hour left and a few things to do for him – insert the SIM, set up his phone, top up his new SIM card, show him how to top up so he could do it the next time, and buy him some internet too. And I did.

Setting up his phone took a while because he wanted to know everything I was tapping, and understandably so. I explained to him the whole process. We then dialed the toll free number and recharged. We communicated with me talking and him writing on his notepad. It was surreal. It’s a little difficult describing the nuances of this incident since most of us are used to smartphones and it takes up barely any time to get used to a new phone.

If I had more time, I would have showed him some basic features on his phone. However, we had five minutes left. So I asked him if I could write a few things on his notebook, to which he agreed. I wrote – search for YouTube and Google. On there, search for features of your phone, tutorials on how to use this phone, how to set up an email ID, and a bunch of other stuff. And lastly I wrote – you can learn anything these days thanks to tutorials on the internet!

He was so happy leaving the store. As he walked out, he had the biggest smile on his face, and I knew I had done good customer service that day. More than that, I felt the same happiness as him when we successfully recharged his phone, when he could access the internet, when he felt content that he could go home and use his phone, and that he could recharge all by himself.

What a wonderful feeling! I have met many rude customers in the past, but one hour of helping him, made me forget all my bad experiences. As he walked out, he looked back, gave me a big smile and a flying kiss.

My part-time job is a temporary job, as a student. One day I will leave this. However, there are many people who do customer service jobs full time. It is their livelihood. Sometimes we have horrible days, but we still put a smile on our faces to greet the next customer. I wish people would treat each other with patience, kindness and respect. Nobody wants to get shouted at, and nobody wants to be an inconvenience to another person – let alone in their jobs. Please do not forget to smile back and say thank you the next time somebody serves you. And if somebody helped you, please let them know that you’re grateful. It makes a huge difference in this type of work.

Stay cool!

Palmolive (Purple)

Hello World,

When I moved to the UK last September, I brought my father’s favourite shower gel with me. It’s the Palmolive Aroma Absolute Relax (with Ylang Ylang Essential Oils and Iris Extract). I love Palmolive shower gels and my favourite would be Morning Tonic from the same range, it’s lime green in colour. Anyway, I used it the first few days and then I realised I did not want to finish things that I got from home, even though they were meant to be used in the initial weeks to settle down. I thought how else would I feel the longing of my home if I finished this shower gel? I could easily buy another one from here, but I’m very sentimental. I find letting go of certain things very difficult, as was the case with this shower gel.

I planned to visit India later this year and so I came up with a very calculative and genius plan of making the shower gel last a year. How? I decided to use it only on celebratory days. I used it for my first shower here as a sign of victory that I made it abroad, I used it the day I submitted my portfolio for the first semester – I felt I did a good job, I used it on the day I received an offer for a part time job, and on the day I received my results. I also used it today.

Today wasn’t a turning point, a huge success, I didn’t hit a milestone. In fact, it was a normal day. I’ve been struggling to have normal days the past few days. I felt extremely lethargic, unrested even after many hours of sleep and lazy. I woke up feeling the same and thinking I’ll end up wasting another day. But there was this one difficult workout I was hoping to complete. Without much contemplation, I started it. Surprisingly, I finished it too! My legs were killing me, but I decided I must also clean the house. And I did.

I know that these are daily chores but I fell out of discipline. Discipline is the hardest thing to achieve, especially when we slack off or fall behind. I decided to celebrate this because small victories count too.

My goal for this year was to be disciplined. I try and fail but I never give up, and I’m really proud of myself for that. I decided to share this with you just in case if you ever catch yourself in a difficult place, assess the situation and take small steps towards betterment. Every step counts.

Good night!

Easy Friday

Hello World,

I hope Friday has been easy for you. Today is the second day of my four-day holiday and I woke up a little late. I’ve got chores to do but I thought I’d write to you first. There is a channel called All was Well on Youtube which has brilliant curated playlists. I’m currently listening to One Afternoon in Summer (SOFT PIANO) – Luke Faulkner, from the video ‘(playlist) Dreamers who draw dreams, new age piano’, as I write.

I have had a very busy routine immediately after coming to the UK. Only recently did I realise that I struggle to slow down. To be honest, I always ensured that I live a slow life even if things are moving at a fast pace. Lately, I have become a little less aware of the present and my surroundings. I’m going to work out and clean the house after I write, and I have decided to be more present while I am at it.

I was scrolling through my old posts here and photos on Instagram and I cringed at the thought of somebody else reading or seeing these. I had this sudden realisation that maybe my idea of self-care and self-love has been a little surface level. Maybe truly loving ourselves involves accepting not only our present self but who we were in the past as well.

I noticed that I use a lot of ‘I’s’ in my writing and that bugs me. But then again, it is me ranting and narrating things from my POV. Hmm.

Anyway! It’s time for me to start doing my chores. I will see you the next time. and until then, enjoy good music and have a relaxed weekend.

Toodeloo

Somber Summer

Hello World,

This week, on Monday, I handed in my submissions for the second semester. Yesterday I presented my work and with that second semester has come to an end. It has been a tough semester with a lot happening, homesickness, and a little loneliness at times – but it all worked out in the end. I say this a lot and forgive me if I’m repeating it here. I always say that everything, literally everything, once begun, has to end. It may be a good thing, a bad thing, a horrible thing, or a moment of infinite joy – once it starts, has to end. So if it’s something good, I cherish it. If it’s something bad then I tell myself it will end, endure it.

I worked out today. I wanted to say “I have started working out” but you know, I sometimes don’t continue things so I don’t want to jinx it. To be fair, I’m worried about a double chin that I have developed. I absolutely love my jawline but the double chin is covering it. We must fight back. Hopefully, I’m motivated enough to exercise a few times a week. I hope you’re exercising too, even if it’s walking or a very simple routine.

I had a 5-hour shift today. I don’t have Uni or work for the next four days. I have a lot of chores though.

The UK is getting warmer. The sun is out often but it doesn’t forget being cloudy too. I love the weather here, it is like Shillong back in the old days when the country wasn’t a furnace.

Anyway, I’m trying to write to you more often. I’m going to chill for the night. I started watching Dr. Romantic. I love K-dramas. I hope all is well with you. Wish you a very happy ice cream season. To be fair, it’s ice cream season all year for me, so read the previous sentence again now, haha.

Good night!

Uplifted

Hello World,

It is half an hour to midnight as I write this. I hope you’ve had a good day today as I have. I had to present a design proposal today for my project. I was very lost the last time I wrote to you, but with some focus I have managed to deliver a pretty good pitch today.

These days I feel staying focused is a privilege too because distraction comes so easily. Funnily, distraction lasts longer than focus. I have been trying to control the amount of time I spend on social media. I uninstalled my personal Instagram over a year ago, and haven’t posted many photos of myself since then. I felt I was oversharing and not receiving a good amount of likes as my peers led to an uncomfortable relationship with myself. As a child, I always wanted to be someone different and I took pride in being the weird kid. I knew when to play my weird card and impress the person I’m talking to. Over time I realised this is making me a good manipulator and I had to reflect on my actions. Now I genuinely try to monitor myself, for instance, when I catch myself speaking ill of people, I get cautious, and other actions like that. Of course, I slip often. But I try to be a better human, hopefully, one day I’ll become a good human. I derailed a little bit. As I was saying, social media fueled this nature of mine to be different. I was tired of playing mind games with myself so I decided to let go and set myself free. I will probably return when I’m ready and have a better relationship with myself. I applaud people who are their true versions even on the internet.

I was gifted a Nintendo Switch last Christmas. I have played Animal Crossing and I’m currently playing Ori and the Blind Forest. It’s amazing and I should get back to it.

My daily Shambhavi kriya has taken a backseat. It did happen often but I always felt guilty and got back to it. What scares me now is that I don’t feel guilty about missing my daily practice. Or maybe I do since I’m writing about this? I shall figure this out as a priority. Two things I’d really like to implement is kriya and exercise for myself next.

I hope you’re doing well. Some days suck but like I say, when something starts, it has to end. And when something ends, new beginnings reveal themselves. So hang in there.

Good night.

🙂

So Far Away

Hello world,

Ever so often I think about my dear old friend, that is you, this blog. But just like facing any setback in life with honesty and integrity is difficult but necessary, facing this blog with honesty and integrity has been difficult for me but, very necessary. It is easy to shove aside our issues and distract ourselves with temporary solutions, till it slowly gnaws at us and we are left with no choice but to face them. This paragraph probably sounds too dreary and distressing to be the opening lines for this post after so long. But it’s really not all that sad. I’ll grab a cup of tea and then let us begin – storytime!

I shifted to Newcastle, UK, to further study design and pursue a Master’s degree in 2022. The plan was sudden and the process was painfully long and abrupt. This resulted in leaving my home and family rather haphazardly. I’m almost towards the end of my course now. It started in September 2022 and ends in September 2023.

Shifting to another country has been life-changing. I got to know myself better. I was living with myself, alone, for the first time in my life, at 26. Managing a studio apartment while taking care of myself was challenging and I loved every bit of it. I also became a relatively good home chef! I got a part-time job within my first month here. Interacting with the local people and learning about them felt very natural. In hindsight, it was such a daunting task for a sheltered person. Sometimes I forget to be kind to myself. Looking back, I see that she took challenges that were scary to her, head-on and conquered them.

While it all seemed exciting back then, eight months later now, I’m starting to feel that it has taken a toll on me mentally too. It was only recently that I realised that I’m so far from home, I comprehended the physical distance. It escalated when one evening my parents told me that they had a scary day. Our building caught fire due to an electrical mishap and they were at risk of losing their lives. They were traumatised later on, obviously. But it wasn’t obvious to me that I was traumatised too. Four or five days after this incident, I have lost the will to study, work or even get out of bed. Activities that excited me the most, seem such a chore. My cousin is getting married in India. His was a wedding I never imagined I’d miss. But here I am, so far away. I get to see some of it through laggy video calls for a few minutes though, so I’m grateful for that. I was basically going about my days ignoring the fact that I wasn’t doing too well. I realise it now though.

I’m trying to have a conversation with myself, trying to be kinder to myself, and trying not to miss meditation. I try. I quit smoking successfully this year. It has only been a little over a month, but hey, it’s good progress. Only smokers would know how difficult it is to quit smoking. It’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve done and I’m glad I did. I hope not to fall back into it, it really is a slippery slope.

There is a lot to be done in the next few months. I see it as a huge mountain and I’m right at the bottom. It is frightening. You see, a lot of our opinions and beliefs are influenced by many factors. I suspect that most of my views and opinions are not my own. What a shame to have a brain of my own and not use it well! I’m very confident about two things though. These are, I believe, my very own practices and opinions. I take full ownership of these. The first one is – out of all the sunscreens I have tried, this one product is the winner for me. It’s called ‘1% Hyaluronic Sunscreen Aqua Gel’ by the Derma Co. It was not recommended to me and I ordered it on Amazon on a whim one day. No regrets. You must try it.

The second thing, for which I derailed so much, is – to take things one at a time. It’s not original and I’m not the first one to say it – I know. I truly do believe in it. As for climbing my mountain, I will take one step and breathe, be grateful to be alive, and then proceed. It’s a long way up there, but it’s a long way up any mountain, so let us not feel overpowered. The mountain exists to not stomp on us, but either to be looked at from afar or to be climbed. We can choose what’s best for us.w

I usually write to you at night, tucked in, from the comfort of my bed. For a change, I’m sitting with my back straight, on a Thursday afternoon, writing to you after deciding to not attend class and skip my presentation. The next task for me is to shower, pray and grab some lunch. If you’re reading this and you’ve got a mountain of your own to climb, plan your way ahead and climb slowly. We’ll see each other at the summit. And if not, then we start again, maybe another mountain then, or the same – who knows. We don’t choose which mountain to climb in life unfortunately, it just gets closer and closer till we overcome it.

That is all for today, see you soon.

– yo ho ho and up she rises,
yo ho ho and up she rises,
yo ho ho and up she rises now

Working Towards Change

Hello,

I’m writing to you after more than a year. I’m alive and well, I hope you are too. While 2020 has been a year of adapting to a new (?) lifestyle and being empathetic – more than ever, 2021 brought along more hardships. We all adapted to staying indoors mostly, and every day started seeming the same. India was affected horribly by the second wave and we lost our near and dear ones. We understood the importance of work-life balance, we stopped taking our health for granted, and the working class spoke up for their rights as we realised how much time and money went into working from an office compared to working from home. WFH! It is the era of WFH! Few companies have gone remote permanently. All in all, I wanted to say hello to you, from a new normal.

These blogs have been a form of journaling for me and I used to write them right before sleeping. Most of my posts have grammatical errors and the sentences aren’t framed the best. However, I write this to you on a bright Tuesday morning. It is almost 10 a.m. You might ask, aren’t you supposed to be working? Well, that’s a big update. After studying creative communications, I joined an agency in 2020. I was a visualiser. My job was primarily graphic design, but I also contributed to other aspects of advertising occasionally. In 2021, I started research on getting a PR in Canada. After a few months, I started the application process. However, due to my low CRS (Comprehensive Ranking System) score, having no relatives there for additional points, and due to Canada having a huge backlog of applications from 2020 – to date, this has not worked out. I have applied for hundreds of direct jobs in the USA, Australia and Canada – no luck there either. My relevant experience was only about a year and a half and I did not possess a work visa for any of those countries.

Meanwhile, I slowly stopped enjoying work. I was mostly working on social media and for a long time, I found no purpose or value in it. I resigned from my first advertising stint in February 2022. I soon joined another agency, but I quit earlier this month (May 2022). Having been a self-taught artist, I now want to study design in-depth and have applied to a few colleges abroad. I will provide an update once we confirm everything.

At present, I’m taking a break. It was very difficult for me to give myself a break. In my mind, I needed to constantly hustle, and get that paycheck. It almost felt like a crime to be unemployed. It has been two weeks since I left my extremely toxic workplace. I eat better, sleep better, and I don’t get pain in my uterus from stress and acne breakouts on my face. So far I have made one artwork and binged 2 k-dramas. On certain days, I have done absolutely nothing. I am slowly starting to do tasks that I planned to but gave up after procrastinating. For instance, I’ve been wanting to write to you but I felt overwhelmed. Now that I have written some bits, I feel so much better.

Before leaving my job, I saved up a little amount of money for my expenses and I currently live with my parents. I am extremely grateful to be able to stay at home for this period and I also realise my privilege. My goal is to register myself for a design course that begins in the fall. In case that does not happen, I will resume working and try again next year. I am also trying to be more disciplined with my workout. That is to be discussed another day.

This is all for today. I feel guilty for not writing more frequently. I also cannot promise that my updates will be regular because that hasn’t gone well in the past. I do assure you that I am working on myself – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually during this period. I lack discipline severely and want to change that. I hope you’re doing well too. If you have any questions about PR in Canada, studying abroad, or jobs, please let me know and I will try my best to provide information. I will end this blog with a quote that I heard from a vlog this morning:

Motivation comes and goes, but discipline is your best friend.

– Why Phone Addiction Ruins Our Art & Life, Valerie Lin

With lots of love and positivity,
ankita

Hallo

Hello World,

It has been a while. The pandemic hasn’t left us yet, yikes. With March, I officially announce my eighth month in advertising. I’ve been asked by many about advertising. After countless seesions of procrastinating, arguing and meditating, I have an apt answer.
You: Ankita, is advertising good?
Me: The good and bad part of advertising is I can’t take it seriously.
I was questioning my existence in IT. I question my existence and my job even now, but at least I’m learning while I’m at it. Still questioning if I’m good at it though. I think I’m decent.

I wanted to tell you that I’ll try to leave the country with a job. That’s what I’m going after next. Ever since you ceased to exist as a secret (I’m the one to be blamed), I’ve been less willing to update here. Maybe I can shift all this to another blog?  If I start a new blog, I’ll have to begin from the scratch. Sigh. What is life but beginnings and endings anyway?

– Ankita