How Do I Deliver My Gratitude and Love to Chester Now?

Dear Chester,
My friend and I were deciding on a movie to watch tonight and simultaneously scrolling through Facebook, when the cursor accidentally flew to the news section, where they reported ‘Linkin Park’s lead Chester Bennington dies at 41’ in bold. Everything went blank for a few seconds. I hoped, prayed and wished out loud for it to be a hoax. I didn’t, for one second believe it was true. I had hopes, Wikipedia didn’t confirm the God awful news. After a few minutes it happened. Wikipedia confirmed the date – 20.07.17, news started flowing, social media rang out notifications and it was all real. You’re no more.

I started listening to Linkin Park back in 2006, when I was changing channels on TV and accidentally came across Numb. I binge listened to all of LP’s tracks immediately. In 2007, I learnt to Numb and In the End by ear (no notes). I listened to  both the songs so many times that they’ve become a part of who I am. I listened to What I’ve Done when my heart was breaking and all I could think of was “erasing myself”, somehow I didn’t, somehow listening to your songs made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I’ve heard Faint and the drum introduction was so badass, I had almost decided to learn to play drums so I could cover the song. 

Linkin Park has saved me from myself. But was it really worth it especially when after such a long journey, you couldn’t be saved from yourself? Now it’s almost 3 in the morning. We decided to watch Chicago after Pulp Fiction, but I came back to my room, despaired after the first fifteen minutes of the movie. Now I’m watching one of my favourite Linkin Park concerts in Moscow, Russia 2011. I can see you singing, the crowd loves you and Shinoda performing In the End. I’ll never get to see you live, Chester. Linkin Park will never be the same. But maybe now you’ve found somewhere you belong. Before I sign off, I’d like to thank you for keeping me company, for talking through your songs, for being the heart of a community where anybody could fit in, for always being there and for saving a million others who were just as wrecked as I was. Good bye, legend. Rest in peace.

Black Widow

Slowly made her way into the house that was still empty,

Hung her coat and dropped her keys,

Took off her heels, with a pained sigh of relief.
4 am, the bed was still empty,

Layed down on a cold heap of velvet, unmade sheets.

Insomnia was nothing new.
She drifted down the stairs eager for some Château Lafite.

First sip, pushed a few strands of hair, off her face and behind her ear,

Second sip, stared at the clock,

Fifth sip, rested her chin on her hand and played with the hem of her dress.

Pour, pour,

Pour some more. 

Heavy lids and twisted glass, everything moved like a wave.
She found herself asleep on the table the next morning when she awoke –

A new day, the same routine.

Walked past the cheery portrait of her husband down the hallway,

Somehow he demanded to be waited for.

So long nights and same days, she waited and waited,

Ignoring how it has been two years since his death.

Hustle

Hello World,

As you know, I’m not a very fit person. Infact, I’m anything but fit. I’ve put on so much weight this vacation, I felt really fat and unhealthy (my body doesn’t deserve this). After a lot of procrastination, I’ve decided to work out. I love walking, I consider fast walking not a warm-up​, but an exercise. But as a friend rightly pointed out that walking is for the lazy (which I am), I finally agreed to follow some fitness videos. 

Fitness videos are amazing except –
1. The exercises look easy but…… :):):):)
2. The lady/gentleman who performs these exercises is already well trained and hence, make it look effortless, but….. :):):):)
3. You cannot keep up with them continuously in real time if you just started out.
4. If you follow these 10-15minute videos, they tell you to not stop moving. So you do their reps AND do not take a break because you gotta keep moving…… :):):):):)
5. No more, I didn’t feel like finishing at point 4. I had to write a point 5. Therefore, point 5. (I apologise (sincerely (really)))

Fitness videos are very helpful and give great instructions. This was day 2 since I’ve started. I’ve got a long way to go. My thighs don’t belong to my body right now and my stomach feels constricted. But it’ll pass. I’ll live. I guess.

That’s all for now. Write to you again very soon.
À bientôt!

An Unwilling Chicken Ghoul

Hello World, 

I don’t feel so well. I think I’ve eaten too much. I have to ask for a ‘brb’, need some digestive medicines to help me.
Alright. Phew. 

I overate chicken today. There are people who survive on chicken, there are people who think of nothing but chicken – all the same. Then there’s me. I like chicken, I appreciate chicken, sometimes I might even love chicken but today was a ‘eat chicken out of control’ day and my stomach is not having it. So yesterday we went to our aunt’s for lunch. A couple of fish dishes and some red meat – eaten in a more than decent quantity, followed by desserts. I was  having a difficult time digesting it all so we had a light dinner (Side note: dinners are meant to be light, it doesn’t apply in most of India though). Then today happens. Chicken for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. I want to throw up. All I have eaten is chicken today! A minute of silence for all the hens who had families and friends, but ended up in my stomach (do you think about it that way? Nuh, huh? You only think about yourself! (Sorry, meme reference)).
Apart from my over eating drive, I have picked up Tokyo Ghoul from where I had left it – that is Chapter 7. I completed the 51st chapter an hour back. That’s all my eyes can take for now. They’re straining, paining and are dry. I’ve of course, felt worse when I was greedily reading Naruto. A total of 700+ chapters in 3 days, was i a bookninja? (Not that I’m not proud of it or anything (Probably that only thing I’m proud of, for having been consistent and hard working.)) I won’t discuss Tokyo Ghoul right now ​because I haven’t read all of it and some of you might want to read it in future, so no spoilers. I’ve stumbled upon a few spoilers myself, I know the feels, my blog won’t be one of those.
My bulging stomach and my already inflated interest in Tokyo Ghoul grow even more as I type this. Well that’s all for now. I will get back again, hopefully very soon.
Á bientôt!

Ramble

Hello World,

Don’t you think it’s funny that for a person who has nothing to do with programming and computers, i start all my posts with a “Hello World”? But I think that can be overlooked, because that’s how humans made programs greet the world because that’s a humanly gesture. My conjunctions in the previous sentencewere overused (just like sex workers (sorry)). I have to pee, hold on a minute.
Do you ever notice how your bladder swells up when you hold on to your urine for long? Then when you place a hand on it while urinating, you can literally feel its relief. That’s the kind of relief I feel when Ipass an exam. And it will be the same kind of relief I will feel when I will get a job. Notice how I exhausted my future tenses? Good, because I will find a reference for that later.

Kolkata has been nice and spared use some chilled winds in evenings. I always look forward to sunsets, now even more. Well I will catch up soon again.
Till then, à bientôt! 

The Depth of Your Eyes

In these 21 years, I met lot of people
And talked to many, if not all.
I’ve heard a lot of songs,
About beautiful eyes and lashes long.
So every time I met someone new,
I tried to steal a glance, or maybe a few.
But those glances were so swift,
I could not understand what to make out of it.
I have to admit some eyes do make my heart skip a beat,
While a few others make me wonder if there’s an entire universe inside those colourful orbs.
Some eyes shine,
Others can stop time.
I could stare my mother’s eyes for as long as I wanted to,
I didn’t have to find myself an excuse and she didn’t seem to mind.
It was then that I was taken aback by the beauty of someone’s eyes,
They’re full or emotions and yet are mysterious,
They speak a million unspoken words;
Eyes see a lot of things – good, bad and ugly,
But it’s amazing to see how they remain unscathed by the world
Like they are ready to take in another day.

Way Past My Bedtime

​Hello world,
I have an 8am schedule for the morning, it’s almost 1:30am right now. I should hit bed, but what would life be if we only followed the “should be(s)”? So I guess I’ll write to you a little.  I was checking my blog’s stats today, I found out that a certain someone from each of these countries – Italy, Denmark, UK and the US, have read my posts. A huge shout out to them! You guys pumped up my fascination (that people from different parts of the world read my posts). Now I’m even more fascinated! 
Today I discovered a new channel on YouTube. It’s called “in love with a ghost”, the music is unlike anything I have heard before. A few tracks have already become my favorites. What’s even more intriguing is the name of the tracks. For example: “can i be your internet crush?”, “we’ve never met but can we have coffee or something?” and “sorry for not picking up your calls”. The tracks are calm and they give you a weird feeling of nostalgia. 
It’s yet again, another windy night. I feel like the oceans are calling me. A few months ago, my friend and I drove to the nearest beach, that would be approximately two hours from our college. We went in a winter afternoon, the sun showed no mercy but the blue stretches of the Bay of Bengal was so beautiful that none of us really minded the heat. We couldn’t however, stay there till night. I really wanted to. I dream of spending nights at beaches. 
It’s always so pleasant to write to you before bed. I feel like I have spoken to someone about my day without getting interrupted and to think that someone out there will be reading this – well, thank you for listening to me. Your views are the only goals in my sad life. 
That’s all for now, have a great day ahead.

Ja!