Don’t hate me for returning home late. Yes, this blog is home to me, mama.

Hello world,

I have accidentally deleted Colornote and didn’t have a proper back up. That’s right, I’m left with nothing. Today I was about to download Colornote again, when I came across Google Keep. This is a handy app but it’s not password protected, that’s kinda scary.

Well, how have you been? I have traveled to a new college for Springfest last month. We also celebrated my birthday there, in the middle of the streets. It was so much fun. Their campus reminded me of the school I went to during my +2 years. As much as I love their campus and everything about them, I’m somehow glad and grateful that I ended up in my college. Had I been in any place that reminded me of my +2 years, I would have tumbled and rolled down the spiral stairway of self destruction.

Apart from that, my GPA still sucks. We have our placement drive in about a few months time, and I’m not prepared mentally or physically for it. My resumé and CV is least impressive right now and I always manage to sound like anything, except professional. That’s not getting me anywhere. Talk about talent, never heard of that word before. Talk about skills, does rambling count?

I’ve also come across a number of poems. Here’s the thing about good poems (and all credits go to good poets) – they hit you right in the feels and make you want to write something tragically beautiful. When you do start to write, it’s only tragic and let’s not talk about beauty.

Guess that’s all for now. I do have so much to share, but I’m hardly disciplined these days. I barely finish my work and I barely care to improve myself. But then, I did write today. I guess I’m trying again. I personally feel that it is so difficult to care these days when you literally feel nothing and sleep all day. We need to change that.

See you in the next note, good night!

Ocean Eyes

Hey Snake,

Was clicking through Sheepy’s mixes when I heard Ocean Eyes. Needed to share the lyrics:

I’ve been watching you
For some time

Can’t stop staring at those oceans eyes

Burning cities and napalm skies

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes

Your ocean eyes


No fair

You really know how to make me cry

When you gimme those ocean eyes

I’m scared

I’ve never fallen from quite this high

Falling into those ocean eyes

Your ocean eyes


I’ve been walking through a world gone blind

Can’t stop thinking of your diamond mind

Careful creature made friends with time

He left her lonely with a diamond mind

And those ocean eyes


No fair

You really know how to make me cry

When you gimme those ocean eyes

I’m scared

I’ve never fallen from quite this high

Falling into those ocean eyes

Your ocean eyes.

World, say hello to 2017

Hello world, 

Are you all partying right now? What is a New Year’s party even like? Loud music, final countdowns, dance and drinks? I’ve never been to one, would like to attend one some NYE. Did you have someone to kiss during the final countdown? Does the New Year kiss happen even now? Because I heard about it the first time when I was around 13 and it sounded (still does sound) pretty cool to me!

Also, I hope you all had the merriest Christmas with your loved ones. A minute of silence for Forever Alone, who has no loved ones. I went out with two of my cousins for drinks and dinner on 25th. One of them got terribly drunk and started questioning the waiter every time he walked up to our table. The poor guy was so scared, you could see the a “so scared” swimming in his tear ducts. When we went outside, he  started talking to the security guard and managed to scare him too. Imagine the security guard calling for security, then realising that he IS security!

New Year Resolutions. Okay so, I’m going to take my blanket off my head and also pull my hands outside to clap for every single person who actually sticks to his/her resolution. Believe me, coming out of your blanket isn’t easy so I’m throwing my respect at you all like confetti. 

My New Year’s resolution is most  importantly to be positive. I’m one of those people who plans everything right, then eventually does not follow because lazzzyyy. So I’ll be positive here about my New Year’s resolution to be positive. I’d  like to show some love and care towards my body by staying healthy. That means reduce smoking (if not stop entirely (that would be farfetched (keeping it real))). I’d also like 2017 to be a really productive year and I’ll work for it.

I guess that’s all. What are your plans?

Ja!

I’ve been to places.

Hello World,

The last post was after Durga Puja, uploaded around the end of October. I haven’t been writing at all. It’s my fault, i’m sorry. I’ve either been lazy, impassive or detached from myself, though it’s not a legit excuse. But here i am, i will  try to make up for it.

November began with end semester exams. Do you really want to know about my sleep deprived weeks and a whole lot of studying? Nope? I thought so. After exams, we went for a drive and ended up in a lagoon behind a zoo. I’ll share a few pictures. I was inside a car, hence they didn’t really capture the beauty of the place. img_20161207_165526img_20161207_165542

After the lagoon, we went to grab some snacks. The place had some cool decorations, i’ll share a picture of that too. img_20161220_232143

Yup. A few days before returning home (yup, back home again), my friend and i went for a drive on a scooter. We touched a total of 216 km. That’s fine if you go for a drive, but when you’re riding a scooter? Nawhh. We rode through the Marine Drive via the Konark Road. Before you ask for it, yes, i will share a few pictures.

lrm_export_20161220_233101lrm_export_20161215_160916lrm_export_20161202_180951

 

Well, that’s all for now. I promise to write soon.

Ja ne!

 

 

Anxiety Attack

Hello world,

I came back home on the 2nd of this month, it’s funny how it’s already the 12th and I have to leave on the 17th, of this month. Durga Puja just ended and suddenly Kolkata seems to have calmed down. The usual roars of laughter and squeals reduced to murmurs outside my place. Everything is back to normal. There’s nothing abrupt about normal. “Normal” is so rich in placidity, it’s almost scary. Somehow, remaining placid gets me anxious.

Speaking of anxiety, I’ve received my share of anxiety attacks for the past few days. Anxiety attack is like an unwanted parcel delivered to you. “Attack” is the sticky-tape, “anxiety” is the box. No sane person would want to open it, but I’ve already mentioned “unwanted”. You don’t have a choice (imagine it to be Satan’s gift, if that helps) but to open it. I’ve received insomnia, accompanied by “you’ll be crying all night”, as a gift. And so, it happened.

Satan is very attentive to details, he wouldn’t let you off so easy. He targets your weaknesses. I, being as vulnerable as a pink butterfly, have too many weaknesses. Satan had a pallette full of choices and thus, he chose “loneliness”.

Quick note: I’m absolutely fine being alone. I can be as clumsy as I want, I can also pretend to be a ninja and I love pretending to be a ninja. Basically, I’m happy to be alone when my mind functions rationally. Yes, it does function rationally, at times. Surprise bitches! :D……… 😐

Satan had a PowerPoint presentation beautifully planned. He just had to play it in my mind. So he started with primary school – the time when I genuinely fell in love with everyone who was even a little nice to me.  Eventually I figured out that nobody genuinely liked me back, for reasons I’ll never know. Then he moved on to high school (part 1). New start! This time, I didn’t fall in love genuinely, but I just grew fond of people who were nice to me. Eventually, I figured out that nobody was quite fond of me, for reasons I’ll never know. Next, high school (part 2). By this time, I was pretty much a stoic. In other words, I didn’t want to deal with humans and for once I know why I was lonely. Satan moved on to college (right now). The stoic inside me melted a little (very little) and I started accepting people but never gave them a chance to accept me. What if they run away for reasons I’ll never know?

It was dawn by the time Satan ended his torturous presentation. I could hear birds chirping and a few people chattering. Satan must have decided it was time for him to disappear and prepare more presentations for another night. I could finally stare at the ceiling and let my tears dry up in peace.

Right, my little pooh bear, wanna take a chance?
Wanna slip this smooth air, kick it in the sand.
I’d say I told you so but you just gonna cry,
You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes.

My, my simple sir, this ain’t gonna work.
Mind my wicked words and tipsy Topsy slurs.
I can’t take this place no, I can’t take this place.
I just wanna go where I can get some space.

– Glass Animals, Gooey